Sunday, December 12, 2010
Really Hurt
so sad for my dead blog.
but ive been so busy with work lately,
i have no time to even visit my dear blog.
too tired ):
christmas is coming!
this poor working soul cant wait! (:
match with the old batch on the 27th!
totally willing to give up my christmas eve holiday for it (:
*squeals*
ha. i miss the old days in Damai ):
wow. i havent got this angry in a long time.
this morning. i just BLEW UP.
i couldnt take it. nvr been so wronged so far in my life.
YET though. but still.
so angry!
cos Caleb was playing the (stupid) Xbox in the living room,
he was playing some army army fighting kinda game,
cant be bother what the title is,
so you'd think that playing music is alright right?
i mean, its just gunshot sounds,
theres nothing you'll be interfering with right?
i was updating my SIP book in the living room,
wanted to listen to some music,
so i took out SHINee's Hello CD
and played it in the player next to the TV.
the next thing i knew, my dad was shouting and scolding
"EH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CANT YOU SEE YOUR BROTHER IS PLAYING?
WHY ARE YOU PLAYING YOUR MUSIC HERE?
YOUR BROTHER WAS PLAYING FIRST!
CAN YOU SWITCH IT OFF?
DONT YOU HAVE YOUR OWN PLAYER TO LISTEN WITH?"
omg. i was just so bloody shocked!
first of all, he hasnt scolded me in ages.
second, he's scolding me because of my brother! (which he nvr does!)
third, he's scolding me because of a bloody GAME!!!
WALAO! its only a game!!!
usually he disapproves of my brother playing video games,
but this time he's actually scolding me because of it!
WHAT THE HELL DID I DO WRONG?!?!?!
i just simply added music to the game!
not that the music completely cut off the gunshot sounds,
it was still there!
omg, you cant uds how angry i was!
i was just so thrown off!
when i just wake up somemore!!!
i was all:
"BUT I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WHAT!
HIS GAME IS STILL ON!"
dad: "YAH, BUT YOUR BROTHER CAME FIRST!"
me: "FINE, I'LL TAKE IT OUT OKAY?
I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE SIDING HIM BECAUSE OF HIS GAME!"
and so my dad was kinda in my way in switching off the music,
so i kinda pushed him away abit hard,
im feeling abit guilty of that now (sorry dad),
but i just wanted to do it quickly and go to my room.
i havent been this hurt in so long.nvr wanted to feel it again,
he really did hurt my feelings so badly.
i hated him like mad on the spot.
buried my head in my pillow & just let everything out.
omg, screamed like siao,
but was supposed to backup for worship this afternoon,
so i had to stop after awhile. haha.
but i couldnt stop crying.
really.
i stopped like for 10s, and then started again.
wow, it has really been long since i cried.
hmmmm. haha.
i know ive learnt from God's word that:
Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.
also from the devotion book that:
Jesus defeated hatred with love.
i know i shld get over everything & forgive dad
& pretend nth happened.
but i cant. its sooooo hard!
yes, pray and ask God to gimme strength to.
ive tried. i will slowly work towards that.
but for now, i still am that angry abt it.
still have that much hatred in me.
i will try to let go step by step.
i have to try.
i will show that im a child of God.
yes.
sigh.
okay, time to continue with my logbooks...
till the next time, dunno how long later,
toodles!