usually i wont write this down cos its damn sensative,
but im getting really tired keeping all the emotion in...
i dont deny to say im jealous.
IM DAMN BLOODY JEALOUS OF HER.i dunno what makes you enjoy talking to her more than me,
& dont deny that you spend more time talking to her than me.
i keep thinking whats wrong with me?
its freaking frustrating.
maybe she entertains you more?
maybe you feel like she cares for you more?
maybe you have a thing for her?
but whatever,
i accept it, ignore it,
but still, a girl cant help being jealous.
it hurts just as much too.
it takes a whole lot of mental strength to push it to the back of my mind,
to make sure i look neutral abt it.
i dont expect anything to change after saying all these
cos i dont want sympathy.
i just need to get it outta my system.
i do everything,
EVERYTHING for you because i like you & always did.
i can never seem to get over you ):
i'll never expect anything in return,
im okay that its a one-sided thing
cos i just wanna see you happy & well.
im happy that way.
i get super worried if you fall sick
or get upset or angry.
and so just now i wanted to be the one to comfort you,
give you a hug & all after you got so hurt,
but you received a call.
& i think i know who it was w/o you telling me.
& yes, your tone changed in an instant.
you were instantly happy.
my chance was taken away from me.
i was soooo damn pissed & well, disappointed.
but yet i kept thinking,
if she didnt call & i was the one who came over instead?
would you have cheered up so fast?
i doubt so.
i dont have that effect on you.
pretty sad fact.
guess im nvr the first one in your mind when things happen.
when you want company.
when you wanna share something exciting with.
when something or someone upsets you and you need someone to turn to.
just nvr does come across to you i guess.
i feel invisible in way.
but im okay. i will not complain.
as long as you become happy again.
i dont share much of my problems to you
because i know you wouldnt be interested much.
you'll just reply me a few words & thats it.
so whats the point?
i'll always keep my feelings to myself
& show that i'm happy on the outside,
because thats the norm.
because you need to think it is.
some day you'll read this.
whether it be soon or a year down the road,
your rxn to this is entirely up to you.
if you choose to start distancing yourself from me
because you think its gonna get awkward,
because you've become scared of me,
so be it.
all the better for me to try to get over you.
ahh, whatever.
im so bloody tired.
im just gonna sleep.
sigh. 굿밤. (: