Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Suit Yourself
looks like im always back when i have things to complain abt.
heh.
and bloody hell, its always abt the same person?
srsly. that shit needs to disappear from my life.
im actually happy to be gng NZ to study next year.
get away from her. get away from everyone.
get away from all the hurt.
i think i can safely say i dont like her anymore?
but i dunno. it always fluctuates when i dont want it to -.-
but im determined. shes not good for me anw.
shit face.
im determined to keep as far away from her as possible.
not gonna hurt myself, not gonna trip myself.
its so hard to even be friends now.
i came first, but someone else is taking my place now.
its hard not to get jealous, im only human.
even my bestfriends left me?
no contact w me for how many thousands of years.
only to wish me on my birthday & say thank you when i wish them.
how can that be the only time we talk?
i think we're bestfriends only by name.
r/s wise. zilch.
my bestfriend doesnt even know me for who i am.
she doesnt even give a damn.
i dunno why we're bestfriends. WHY?
but i alr said. must have just been for the name sake of it.
why do i always have to be the first to initiate convos w everyone?
except shoes. i love you for that shoes. :D
the world sucks.
life's a bitch.
work's a bitch.
im so jealous of other ppl who still have close friends to hang out w most of the time.
why cant my life be like that?
exactly why NZ is good for me.
i'll be alone.
lonely, but knowing its okay because im a foreign country on my own.
staying here makes me feel lonely but horrible because i know all my friends are here,
but none of them are there for me.
bloody hell. ALONE IS GOOD.
ive been angsty to everyone lately.
like the whole world is at fault.
i shld stop that.
its not good for me or anyone else.
this is not me.
im supposed to be a nice kid w a good heart, a forgiving heart.
a take-it-easy soul, putting others first.
now im a selfish, self-centered brat.
I NEED TO CHANGE.
I NEED GOD.
im slowly letting the evil one consume my soul and drag me away.
it needs to stop.
Lord God, please help me.
please help me change and stop all these madness.
Amen.
oh btw, work's been good.
been keeping up well.
Val left, Luke's leaving, Junni's leaving. ):
Evonne's coming back though!
hope working w her will not be as bad as it sounds.
student vet coming in next mon!
hope he's young & good looking? heh.
I WANT A RAGDOLL (: